Marijuana grow op to begin in DCC basement

The TMU Botany Department and Tokyo Smoke are sowing the seeds of new career opportunities

All Bold Purveyors of pot, sultans of skunk, buddies of bud, friends of flower, kings of kush, chumps of cheeba, homies of hemp and lovers of loud Rejoice! Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) and Tokyo Smoke are partnering up to bring students BLG 420: Cannabis: From Cultivation to Chiefing.

Faculty say the hands-on course will provide students with the essentials to growing plant life and evading police interference in the controlled, supervised environment of the Daphne Coxwell Complex basement.

Botany professor Herb Green will be spearheading the operation and implementing a rigorous selection process to participate in the course. He said anyone can do better than those “government lackeys.” The application process is more to see who he can trust. 

Green says he ultimately wants to address Canada’s crisis with chronic.

“They’ve un-wackied our wacky tobaccy,” said Green. “Somebody has to do something about it.”

Like many others, Green, a self-professed sucker for the shticky icky, says government ganja lacks quality.

“The problem with government-controlled dope is that those people have no clue what they’re doing nor do they care. They are not engaged with the process enough because they can go home and not worry about insect infestations or police raids,” said Green. “We need to allow youth to experience what it’s like to be staring out a window paranoid 24/7 that some punk-ass fed is gonna bust that door down then how to put that energy toward growing some preemo zaza.”

Green says this course is not only for those with a sense for sinsemilla but will provide students with other life skills. 

“Students will learn how to differentiate between a nark and a rat, loathe the government and its restrictions and sniff out those fat pigs fast enough to move the stash before they can squeal ‘oink,’” said Green. 

Rodney Puff, a spokesperson for Tokyo Smoke, said he thinks the move is a step in a “dope” direction for those who lust for the devil’s lettuce. 

“The government’s all up in our shit man. The weed they grow is too strong or just plain ass,” said Puff. “When I take a me of that jazz cabbage, I want to relax and wind down with some music, not feel like I'm in one of those falling dreams and hating reefer. At least until the next night when I'm calling up my old friend Mary Jane.” 

Puff says the unlicensed grow op will put the gas back in the grass and the sheesh back in hashish.