Doug Ford says it was always too cold in Ontario, good thing climate is changing

In a statement on Monday that befuddled many, the Premier of Ontario said that he is a supporter of climate change, because he always thought it was too cold in his province.

“Everyone's always asking what climate change is, but nobody ever asks how climate change is. Maybe it’s a good thing and maybe we could use it,” said the Premier. “We should do whatever we can to make our province a warmer place.”

This past winter has been called tumultuous by many, making climate experts panic. It was characterized by the first snow of winter being in early December, and patches of warm weather throughout the season.

Premier Ford’s comments generated criticism from opposition parties and various environmental groups.

“What the fuck?” said Vivek Rassbach, a member of the Green Party. 

He added, “This is a nonsensical take. What does he mean ‘we should make our province a warmer place’?”

Ford went on to say, “Folks, I know I look like I’d be fine in the cold, but I’m actually not. Right now I have four layers on and it’s not even below zero. I’m freezing!”

In the same statement, Ford claimed that this is one of the reasons behind his desire to open the Greenbelt to developers.

“Folks, this is why Ontario Place needs to change. It’s always so cold there. That’s why the government of Ontario is adding the indoor spa to Ontario Place so it can be warm all year round.”

When asked why he didn’t consider moving somewhere warmer, the Premier said, “I would, but all my friends, my family, my daughter’s wedding guests and my favorite housing developers are here. Why would I ever want to move away from them?”