Campus Store launches new line of Fabergé Eggs to combat declining sales

Lovers of fine art and oology now have a way to show off their passions with an exciting new product available at Toronto Metropolitan University’s (TMU) Campus Store. On sale now for only $7,635,989 (plus tax), the Campus Store is releasing a line of TMUxFabergé Eggs.

TMU has experience with selling higher-end merchandise. Currently available at the Campus Store is the Gold Medallion Collection, which includes a crystal desk clock and a gold letter opener, among other luxurious collectibles.

According to a spokesperson, economic decline and inflation in recent months has led to fewer sales at the Campus Store. 

“People just don’t buy textbooks like they used to,” they said. “This egg is a way for students to get excited about the biannual tradition of going to the Campus Store and buying very reasonably priced merchandise”. 

The University collaborated with Fabergé to make exactly 75 eggs to commemorate the life of the school and the rebirth of the mascot. Each Egg is blue and gold and comes with a little postcard of Frankie the Falcon popping out of a shell.

“We could never have done this with Eggy,” said TMU President Mohammed Lachemi. “It would never make sense. Rams are just born from other rams. But falcons? They come from eggs.”

When asked about the hefty price tag, President Lachemi said that students will be offered discounts based on a newly developed tier system.

“Students who use their OneCards to purchase will be able to bypass the tax,” he said. “Students who use their TwoCards will also bypass the tax, and their postcard will be signed by Frankie.”

After the release of the Eggs on Friday, the Campus Store has sold a grand total of four textbooks, three hats, and 18 Eggs.

Reports have come out that the Fabergé Eggs were all bought by one student, who paid with a cheque originating from a bank in the Canary Islands.