A letter from president Lachemi

This letter from TMU president and vice-chancellor Mohamed Lachemi was intercepted by reporters at the Abnormal School.

Kellogg Company

1 Kellogg Sq., Battle Creek, 

MI 49017

Dear Mr. Kellogg,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with a box of Mini Wheats cereal I bought yesterday morning. First of all, I didn’t come to this decision lightly–I spent 45 minutes deciding between Chex, Mini Wheats and Honeycomb–so when I tried them, the last thing I expected was to be let down like this.

Perhaps, it was my fault. I should have stuck with Regular Wheats. In comparison, your “Mini” Wheats were far too big and entirely too firm. I am known to have quite a “tough guy” persona, but I like my breakfast soft, unlike my life, which is hard. Before a long day of posing for photos and signing off on press releases, I expect a reliable, nutritious breakfast with good mouth feel.

I’ve spent my life in the concrete industry, and believe me, I know a solid business model when I see one, and I don’t see one here. With so many cereals on the market, a company needs to set itself apart from the crowd. And yours does, by being the worst cereal I have ever had.

I am so upset about how much of my time you have wasted, I can only imagine how someone who buys their own groceries might feel.

Do better, Kellogg’s.

Sincerely,

Mohamed Lachemi